Cat Scans Are The Devil
I'm absolutely petrified. I am exactly one hour away from my cat scan that will tell me if I need part of my pancreas removed or a transplant. What sucks worse is I don't find out until next monday.
Anyone ever have a cat scan before? Let me tell you, they are not fun. You start off with 2 enemas (not just one, two of them for shits-n-giggles), then you get to drink two 16 oz. cups of dye mixed with lemonade that tastes like ass (I puked it up both other times), then you get to have an IV started with a different dye....and then you get to start the proces of entering a tunnel. A little voice inside tells you "Don't breathe".....20 seconds later...."Ok breathe". Over and over and over and OVER. I wonder if that is someone's actual job?
Then I get to wait an entire week for my results. This pisses me off. Someone up there is saying:
"Happy 23rd Birthday Julie! Instead of celebrating with 23 beers, how about we try this? A wonderfully exciting CAT SCAN! We hope you enjoy the enemas and lemonade!"
BASTARDS. I hope you all rot in hell.
You know what the saddest thing about this is? I have NEVER even gotten drunk on my birthday. Not once.
Maybe I'll go to the ghettos one street over and score me some crack. That should provide for an interesting birthday celebration.
And I swear, if one of you bastards plans me a birthday "party" I will fucking kill you. I will NOT tolerate the consumption of beer by others in front of me while I sip on my DIET frickin COLA!
I feel like ass.
Anyone ever have a cat scan before? Let me tell you, they are not fun. You start off with 2 enemas (not just one, two of them for shits-n-giggles), then you get to drink two 16 oz. cups of dye mixed with lemonade that tastes like ass (I puked it up both other times), then you get to have an IV started with a different dye....and then you get to start the proces of entering a tunnel. A little voice inside tells you "Don't breathe".....20 seconds later...."Ok breathe". Over and over and over and OVER. I wonder if that is someone's actual job?
Then I get to wait an entire week for my results. This pisses me off. Someone up there is saying:
"Happy 23rd Birthday Julie! Instead of celebrating with 23 beers, how about we try this? A wonderfully exciting CAT SCAN! We hope you enjoy the enemas and lemonade!"
BASTARDS. I hope you all rot in hell.
You know what the saddest thing about this is? I have NEVER even gotten drunk on my birthday. Not once.
Maybe I'll go to the ghettos one street over and score me some crack. That should provide for an interesting birthday celebration.
And I swear, if one of you bastards plans me a birthday "party" I will fucking kill you. I will NOT tolerate the consumption of beer by others in front of me while I sip on my DIET frickin COLA!
I feel like ass.
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