Jaime's Completely idiotic Quiz (but I like it)

I was forced to do this quiz by Jaime.

1. What would be more likely to make you confess: The Rack or Chinese Water Torture?
The Rack for sure since all I can picture are my guts spewing out of my skin once my skin finally decides to rip open. Yum.

2. If you had to choose a superhero to fight would you pick Superman, Spiderman, Batman or Chuck Norris? How would you defeat them?
I would fight Superman and just lock him in his phone booth and then set it on fire. No more Superman.

3. Who is more attractive: Imhotep (in fully regenerated form), The Scorpion King, or Rick O'Connel?
The Scorpion King, he has bulging muscles.

4. What is the name of your car? If it doesn't have a name you are a bad car parent.
Her name is Grandma Grooder and she's a hot bitch with tons of character.

5. Which word is more fun to say, aardvark or spork?
AARDVARK since my nickname in junior high was "JULIE THE AARDVARK".

6. What's the grossest thing you've ever eaten?
Fried squirrel and dandelions. Yes, fried up in the same pot. My dad is very weird and it was absolutely disgusting. I haven't forgiven him yet.

7. Make a sentence using the following words: eskimo, dungeon, vessel, honey badger, pantaloons
While making sweet love to an eskimo in a deep dark dungeon of Cambodia, the honey badger fantasized of his vessel wrapped in a specialized vessel-pantaloon.

8. Did you have an imaginary friend when you were a kid (or now)? What was its name? Was it because you were too uncool to have real friends?
My brother and I had an imaginary friend named Mean Din-Din. He was the one who always did all the bad things. We weren't too uncool to have real friends, we just got in so much trouble we tried to blame it on someone else. It didn't work often.

9. If you were going to have a cereal named after you what would it be called? And what would it taste like?
Julie's Super Yummy Butt Crunch and it would taste like fried ass.

10. If you could have one super power what would it be?
I want to be able to zap people randomly. Just walk down the street and ZAP the fugly person gawking at me.

11. Have you ever voluntarily watched "From Justin to Kelly"?
I may be addicted to American Idol, but the very thought of watching that movie makes me want to give myself a wedgie.

12. Doodle Bear or Aqua Doodle?
I have no fucking idea what either of these are.

13. Do you believe in psychics?
HAHA, no especially after the last one I met with didn't know that I was going to bash her in the face.

14. How many medium sized baked potatoes could you eat in one sitting?
One is enough. Those things are dry and nasty.

15. Invent a word. Define it and use it in a sentence.
Smebula--a giant buttery freak who prowls around popcorn machines in movie theaters
"Hey! Look at that smebula trying to climb in the popcorn machine!"

16. Who would you rather meet, The Kool-Aid Guy, the Michelin Man or the Snuggle Bear?
Michelin Man. First I'd see if he bounced if I threw him off a skycraper and then I'd light firecrackers off in his ass.

17. Who's creepier, Quagmire or Zap Branigan?
I'll pick Quagmire but only because I don't know who Zap is but he sounds cool because obviously he has those zap super powers that I'd like to have? I don't frickin know.

18. When was the last time you cried? Sissy.
Fuck off man, it was the last time I had such a bad pancreatitis attack all I could do was lay on the couch and cry.

19. If you had a sidekick what would his name be?
Warbleschnockpoopyfartmcllamanuts

20. Have you ever had a crush on a cartoon character?
I can't say I have.

Yay. That was fun. Now go away.