Financial Aid Woes

College students are a bunch of idiotic ass nuggets. I have come to my final conclustion. I have tons of stories that I could shell out but I won't overwhelm all of my fine readers with stupidity. I'll start off on a low dose of dumbassness.

First off, if you are a student trying to get in contact with your lovely financial aid administrator and you decide to leave a voicemail, please, for the love of GOD, leave your name. Usually my voicemails consist of "this is sshhsadljf bzzzz a son, I don't know why I have to pay this interest rate, please call me back....how the fuck do I end this call?" Hey shithead, you didn't give me your name and you didn't leave me your number. Don't call me again in an hour and yell at me for not returning your call, asswad.

Secondly, just don't be a moron. If you are in COLLEGE, doesn't this mean that you are slightly more intelligent than most? In order to be admitted to the college, you have to pass a TEST. Answering the question YES OR NO to "were you born before January 1, 1982" really isn't that fucking hard. I shouldn't have to ask you how old you are. You really should be aware of your own date of birth.

A few more lovely moments in a financial aid administrators life to keep you entertained:

Voicemail #1: "Dis is Shaniqua Jskdljfi, I done dropped out of that der college back der in December and back den I ordered a laptop and I was jus wonderin' if I could still get dat laptop cuz I took out loans and stuff and I still want da laptop even though I'm not goin' school der anymore." HEY SHITWAD BITCH ASS. You dropped out over 2 months ago. We refunded your loans. You're not a student here anymore. SO WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU THINK WE WOULD GIVE YOU A FREE LAPTOP YOU MORONIC SLURRING DRUNK FOOL??? Yup, we're just going to hand you a $1500 laptop and say "congratulations for dropping out of college and being a complete fool".

Voicemail #2: "this ish c aaaag nin ham n ah go an c aaag nin ham c all me cack me num ger ish i dunno call me cack......(forgets to hang up phone)....shiii n me gots to poo". This guy leaves me at least two voicemails a day. I don't know who he is and I can't decipher anything besides the fact that he has to shit every time he calls me. So after a week of this irritation I ask my boss, hey, you ever get these strange voicemails that sound like this "hishdadkjdf"? She gets all excited and exclaims YEAH! I've been trying to call him all week and he never calls me back! Then in a softer, more evil voice, she continues, he's got some real....issues.