Hanes n Tricks

Dusty and I are in our brand-spankin new apartment. It's pretty homey if I must say so myself. Nothing screams "GRANDMA" more than the pea-green toilet, bathtub, and kitchen sink. WWJD? (What would Julie do?) Well, she goes out and buys a crazy yellow/green striped shower curtain and blazing yellow bathmats, trash cans, and other little doo-dads to make the place even more rad. Hell yeah. This means all of you must come and visit our little shack in the ghetto.

It's so ghetto here that while this apartment was vacant, some little kiddie-poos decided to break in and smoke---cigarettes! How rebellious. I bet they were Virginia Slims stolen out of their mother's purse while she was turning tricks on the dark streets of Marquette. Rock on.

Then I go out to check out mail. Creepy man #1 was lurking around the side of the apartment building literally waiting for the mail to come.

"'ey blondie! Did tha mail come 'et?"

"Hell no, motherfucker. Now quit looking at my boobs and leave me alone."

Hey, you never know when creepy men #1 can have x-ray vision and he's really checking out the Victoria's Secret label on my bra and trying to decide if he should jump me or not. This bra could be worth alot if he tried peddling it late at night to the juvenile prostitutes who steal Hanes socks from their big brothers to make a little o' cleavage. I'm just saying...