My Rides

I have owned 6 cars in my lifetime. I do a good job wrecking and beating them to hell. Here they are:

1) This dark brown vehicle was by far the scariest. Well, actually, this is the horse that Kevin Costner rode in Dances With Wolves. I'm 10 in that picture. Ride 'em up cowboy! Christ, look at those skinny ass legs.


2) Check out this nifty three wheeler. Damn, that thing was fast. One time the throttle got stuck and I ended up flipping the damn thing in a field because I hit a lump of grass. It was freaking sweet until I was old enough to drive a car. I was about 14 in this picture.


4) 87 Ford Escort--It was for sale for $150 but I got it for $130 because it was missing the passenger side window AND seat. I got it when I was 16. We bought a new seat and parts from a junkyard for $20. It was white, rusty, 2 door, the previous owner used the floor as an ashtray, and I used old sheets as seat covers. My brother ended up totalling it in a really bad car accident 3 years later. I can't believe it ran that long! The damn thing squealed while driving around every single corner because the entire front end was shot. Oh, and I had to put in a quart of oil everytime I drove to town and back. (round trip 17 miles) This picture was taken after I WAXED the damn thing.


Here is the picture of the Escort totalled.


4) 89 Toyota Tercel--I bought this car for $1,000 a few months after the Escort, still while 16. It was a two door little black thing with attractive rust holes on each fender. I tried to fill the holes with Bondo but alas, I am no good at body repairs. My car looked like it had leperosy. This was a relatively good car and fully worth the money I paid for it. It is also the car in which I puked in the backseat all night when I was 16. When I sold it, it still had puke stains because they wouldn't come out. Ooops. Damn those 16 shots of Jagermeister. Here I am cleaning the messy thing.


5) 91 Pontiac Grand Am--Oh, how this car was my pride and joy for the full three months that it actually ran. Oh, how it is now the reason why I will never buy another Pontiac of GM vehicle ever again. It was a beautiful 2 door sporty cranberry red, black tinted, awesome sound system, fast-as-fuck car. My parents cashed in a savings bond for $2,500 for my 18th birthday/graduation present at age 18. The damn thing ran for three months before the head gasket blew all over my feet in the Holiday parking lot. I had to sell it for $400. Oh, the heartbreak. Oh yeah, when I was 18 I wanted to join the Army but I went to college instead. Hence the army t-shirt.


6) 96 Ford Contour--My current puddle jumper has gotten me half way around the country these past 5 years. It's been a good little beast, despite it being totalled not once but twice. Having four doors has been crucial. I've put 50,000 miles on the bugger and she is still ticking away. I bought her for only $4,500 and worked my ass off at Kmart to pay in off in 11 months. Damn proud of myself for that one. (Not proud of that haircut, it looks like a bowl!! What was I thinking?!?!)