The Ice Cube Diet

I have a brand-new diet for everyone that guarantees success in just 1 month! You will lose at least 20 pounds with no exercise needed whatsover. It is called the:

THE ICE CUBE DIET

Items needed:
~hyperlipidemia (available from me if needed)
~chronic pancreatitis (which will result from the hyperlipidemia)
~surgery (also will result from above hyperlipidemia)
~large amounts of ice cubes
~nose tube
~various IV's
~acute kidney failure (will result from surgery)

Steps to be taken:
1)obtain hyperlipidemia
2)suffer from chronic pancreatitis attack (stomach digesting itself) due to hyperlipimia
3)go to hospital and have emergency exploratory surgery performed after projective vomiting, have gall bladder and appendix removed
4)go into acute renal and kidney failure
5)have nost tube inserted into stomach so that all contents will be pumped out every 5 seconds
6)once awake enough to not be located in ICU, get attached to at least 4 different IV's
7)only food or beverage that is allowed to be consumed at this point is ice cubes; receive and eat them by the cupful; then watch them float back through your nose tube into container next to your bed
8)become so weak that walking is a huge obstacle
9)after a good solid 12 days on this ice cube diet, have nose tube removed; then be allowed to eat soggy yellow jello cubes
10)gradually come back to life and be placed on low fat/low sugar/low carb/no alcohol diet
11)at this point you should see at least 10 pounds gone
12)be released from hospital after 15 days looped on up pain killers with no appetite
13)after a month of these procedures and diet, you should see at LEAST 20 pounds magically melted off of your body, if not more

Advantages:
~awesome scars on various areas of stomach
~lose weight with no exercise
~eat healthy for life
~good pain killers

Disadvantages:
~malnourished appearance with large swollen stomach
~hair will fall out
~any bit of alcohol WILL kill you
~daily medications
~5 to 6 doctor visits each month
~pancreatitis will occur again during lifetime
~extreme tiredness
~stomach pains

All of this available for only $50,000 plus tax!!
Call 1-800-ICE-DIET to apply.
Results guaranteed.