Carpet is the New Pooper Wiper
Do you ever feel like smashing someone's head repeatedly into a large pile of steaming cow shit?
Or perhaps squirting syrup all over someone's chair?
Or just throwing random gooey moldy food objects at passing by cars?
In case you still don't have a clue, don't piss me off or you may be in grave danger. You could just be a sweetheart and buy me an ice cold Blue Moon. (WITH an orange slice, mind you. If I don't have an orange slice I will stab you repeatedly in the jugular with a rusty nail) You could even be more of a sweetheart and buy me a pack of Marb 27's so I can inhale the hot dry smokiness into my lungs and create more cancer than I already have. Add some chicken noodle soup and you'll have one content used-to-be-pissed-off girl.
While I'm at it, what is up with cats wiping their asses across carpeting? I have two ideas here 1) they have a scratchy butthole but they don't want to tear themselves a new rectum so they wipe it on a carpet. Too bad the stupid cat doesn't realize that he is lacking claws and can scratch his ass in piece without worrying about the possibility of a second ass hole. 2) just to be an assholey cat. He looks directly at me while scooting his ass across the carpet while mocking me "I'm scratching my pooper on your clean carpet and there's nothing you can do about it!"
Dumb cat.
That's all.
Carry on.
Or perhaps squirting syrup all over someone's chair?
Or just throwing random gooey moldy food objects at passing by cars?
In case you still don't have a clue, don't piss me off or you may be in grave danger. You could just be a sweetheart and buy me an ice cold Blue Moon. (WITH an orange slice, mind you. If I don't have an orange slice I will stab you repeatedly in the jugular with a rusty nail) You could even be more of a sweetheart and buy me a pack of Marb 27's so I can inhale the hot dry smokiness into my lungs and create more cancer than I already have. Add some chicken noodle soup and you'll have one content used-to-be-pissed-off girl.
While I'm at it, what is up with cats wiping their asses across carpeting? I have two ideas here 1) they have a scratchy butthole but they don't want to tear themselves a new rectum so they wipe it on a carpet. Too bad the stupid cat doesn't realize that he is lacking claws and can scratch his ass in piece without worrying about the possibility of a second ass hole. 2) just to be an assholey cat. He looks directly at me while scooting his ass across the carpet while mocking me "I'm scratching my pooper on your clean carpet and there's nothing you can do about it!"
Dumb cat.
That's all.
Carry on.
COMMENTS
Don't you just love that? The only worst than that is pulling tinsel out of their asses at Christmas.
4:23 PM